Joshua Pellicer's Banter Cheat Sheet

'This is a lifetime of testing and tweaking rolled up into one running list of banter lines that have been proven to work when you're talking to a woman in a high-impact environment (like a bar at night). If you use them in their proper contexts, you'll have a brilliant success rate with them, but keep in mind that they are only here for you to use in an emergency (when you can't think of anything else to say). I'll be adding to this list over time. If you have a good one that I dig, I'll add it here and give you credit for it as well! Simply comment below with your banter line and the best-of will make it to The List. Enjoy!'
Joshua Pellicer

Banter to Say in the Beginning of a Conversation:

  • Did you come over here just to flirt with me?
  • I can tell just by looking at you that you're trouble.
  • Do you guys have ID? (check their IDs) OK, good. Thanks I don't work here but you look great in this photo!
  • I saw you checking me out, if I didn't come and say hi I was scared you'd follow me home later.
  • I walked by twice and you didn't flag me down, try to grab my ass or anything what's going on over here?
  • Hey thanks I've been waiting for that. (Reach for her drink, slowly)
  • I didn't mean to do this in front of your friends but we're through.
  • Welcome to (Bar Name). Glad you made it.

Banter for the Middle of a Conversation:

  • You better be getting back to your friends before they realize you're over here flirting with me.
  • You're cool. You can help me pick up chicks.
  • We'd never get along. We'd fight all the time. And I'd win.
  • You're my new girlfriend for the night.
  • I'm going to take you home in my little pocket and ask my roommates if I can keep you. Are you housebroken?
  • I'm too high maintenance for you.
  • I promised my friends that I wouldn't date bad girls anymore.
  • No, it's fine, you don't have to buy me a drink.
  • You'd look cute with a fanny pack.
  • You'd look cute with a mohawk.
  • Is that what you say to all the guys?
  • Is that one of your pickup lines?
  • (When someone else walks up) How many months have we known each other?
  • It'll never work out. I'd never take your shit and you'd never take mine.
  • Stop flirting with me in front of my friends. I promised them I wouldn't go home with anyone tonight.
  • You must've driven your parents crazy.
  • Do you mind watching my drink? Don't put any roofies in there or anything. If someone tries to steal it kick their ass.
  • Let's see if we can find you a man.
  • You can't just talk to random people, that's weird.
  • I'm so attracted to you in a totally non-sexual way.
  • I'm a big fan of your work. I like what you're doing here.
  • [submitted by TAO Member Lance S] You are so cute, when you're trying to be funny and witty.
  • [submitted by TAO Member Brett H] Don't threaten me with a good time!

'Drive-By' – Use When You're Walking By and then Walk Off After:

  • Hey I know you! Ok, I'll see you later.
  • Hey, it's you! I can't be seen talking to you again, I'll be right back.

If She Asks 'Do I Know You?' After A 'Drive-By':

  • [submitted by TAO Member Kevin Johnson] Well not yet. But when you do, please try to contain yourself from coming on to me' And don't try to buy me a drink, thats not going to work either.

If She Drops or Spills Something:

  • See' This is why we can't have nice things.
  • It's ok, you don't have to be nervous.
  • Relax. You're going to hurt yourself.
  • It's a good thing you're pretty.
  • [submitted by TAO Member John A] Great, yeah, can we get a sippy cup over here for her??
  • [submitted by TAO Member Gary Maslankowski] You're a handful' :)

If She Says Something Ridiculous:

  • Clearly, your boyfriend isn't spanking you enough.
  • I gotta go, I left a knife in the fork drawer.

If She Compliments You On Something Specific (clothes, haircut, etc.)

  • [submitted by TAO Member Kevin Johnson] Well thanks, but don't leave the rest of me out of the equation!

After A 'Congruence Test' (See The Tao of Badass For Explanation):

  • [submitted by TAO Member Kevin Johnson] OOOooo'..SSSASSY. I like that. I love it when you talk mean to me. But I bet little miss cranky pants has a hidden cute side.

Comments and Banter Line Submissions